(Revised) This is not One Tree Hill – You are NOT Payton Sawyer

For those of you who have no idea what I am referring to I have included a definition:

One Tree Hill is a young adult television drama set in the fictional town Tree Hill in North Carolina and follows the lives of teen, now adult characters, including basketball drama in the early years and intertwined relationships, be it friendship or love.  Lucas and Peyton have been two of the main characters, as well as one of the central love stories, throughout the show.

Over the years the storyline has covered the issues of non-functional families, first loves, break-ups, divorce of parents, alcoholic parents, devious Fathers, murder, lies and deception, rivalry, pre-marital sex, teen pregnancy, the trials of marrying while still students, drug addictions, stalkers and hostage situations.  Sounds like your typical soap opera, right?

As a child I spent most of my early days at my grandparents while my parents worked.  Most days were spent lying on the living room floor under the quilting frame in front of the TV.  Grandma and Lucy Black, Aunt Jeffie Ashlock, Bessie Frost or another of the neighborhood ladies would gather round the frame and quilt while “The Days of Our Lives”, “The Doctors and “Another World” would play out a fictitious world before us.  My first memories of soap operas include “Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives” and a then sixteen year old Julie Horton (Williams) lying on the beach in a bikini.  Very risqué for television viewing in the 1960s.  Having grown up watching these “Soaps”, I didn’t see any harm in allowing my children to watch similar shows.  It is fiction and we all can tell the difference in real life and those of our fictional friends.  Most TV shows push the limits of reality and normal lives but we tell ourselves “it’s just a show.”  That’s all well and good until we can no longer tell the difference. 

 My line of work brings in clients who have tried to live lives very reflective of the fictional characters of One Tree Hill.  The only trouble is that at the end of the hour their problems have not been solved by a hero stepping in to make things right.  Every night in Tree Hill is exciting and fun but reality is that Clarksville is quaint and small town.  Some find this boring. While fun at the time, looking for excitement often has repercussions, some lasting a lifetime.  Our feel good, instant gratification society is reaping the consequences of our actions through fatherless children and welfare dependant families. Some are able to overcome these obstacles and better themselves.  Family support and other resources help them make the best of their situation and obtain an education while raising their family in semi-normal conditions.   But many end up in my office looking for the answer to all their problems.  They have discovered that the partner responsible for the making of their child does not possess the qualities needed to be a Father.  Others realize that their experimental use of drugs has resulted in a criminal background that now makes them ineligible for many of the support programs that they need to live independently.  And then there are some that are raising children with disabilities that are a direct result of substance use while pregnant.

None of these results of living life on the edge of excitement are insurmountable but most could have been avoided.  Needless life lessons are being lived out now because they wanted to experience the life of Payton Sawyer or her friend Brooke.  If you ask them later if it was worth it most will tell you that it looked much more fun in Tree Hill.  Most of these adventurists have managed to eventually get back on the right track but the burdens they have been dealing with bring on unnecessary depression along with physical ailments.  They are tired of fighting the fight and hope for the day their prince will rescue them just like in the fairytales of our childhood.  For some, the prince has yet to come and they see no way out.

The desire to be independent and live life the way “I” want to just because “I” can needs to be approached carefully.  This approach seems innocent but often leads to making choices that lead a person down paths that become one way streets without our realizing it.  The next turn –around spot is often much further down the road than we planned to go.  In many circumstances, by the time we reach a place to turn around, we’ve forgotten how we ended up there in the first place. 

It is easy for me to stand on this side of 40 and say these things because I’ve never faced many of the temptations and trials our younger generation is facing.  But I can offer these words as reminders of why it is easier in the long run to be content with normalcy over choosing excitement.  

 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (New International Version)  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 
I feel certain that no soap opera relationship or fairy tale romance carries these traits but this is the definition of true love and it is something we all can have. 

Love, the real kind that lifts you up instead of dragging you down, is definitely worth waiting for.  To some it may seem as if it will never come.  They give up and settle for something less or think they are experiencing love but have nothing else to compare the real thing to.  Look at where this “fake” love has brought you.  No relationship is A+ all the time but ask yourself “Are you experiencing positive relationship moments most of the time? 

One last piece of advice I have to offer is…

Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without.  I did.